I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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