you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your cock deserves a montage
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
