I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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