I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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