But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
