Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
