we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
