she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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