this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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