and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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