Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
