Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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