You smell like a Billy Joel song
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize