please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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