Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
