After last night, I could never be a politician.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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