Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
