I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
