people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
