Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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