this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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