I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
