im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
