my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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