Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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