Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
