ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
