Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
