just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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