I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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