i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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