she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
