Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
