I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
