Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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