Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
