the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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