The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
