Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
