I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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