I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
