i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
