I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
