there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
