I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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