Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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