i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
