I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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