God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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