i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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