My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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