a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
