i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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