k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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