Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
