I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
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I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.