he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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