i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
