i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
