Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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