I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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