I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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