Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
