Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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