I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
