Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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