Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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