I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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