lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
