Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
