dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
