Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
