True but thats because hes a fetus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
