Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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