Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
